In Memoriam

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the
belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker,
the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled
high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy
as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose
quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting
much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little
flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a
positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John
Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at
3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Just in case you had a crumbly day and kneaded it.